My first visit to the hospital was last year. I’ve been back many times since. I don’t know if I’m simply depressed or dying. No one does. What I know is that the first step out of bed in the morning is painful and difficult. And every move afterwards is a hard fought battle against a monumental sense of inertia, whether the root be physical or mental. There...
Life wears thin in places, over time. Everything does. From the growing width of the tears in the fabric of my couch, to the thinning connections we all have to our fellow citizens. Certainly both time and tragedy contributed to the thinning of Marcel Robertson’s mind, in equal and forceful measure. Marcel never stood a chance. Growing up malnourished in a trailer alongside more...
One more hour and I will be over the border, and safe. Three hours after that I will be able to catch a ride into Tirana. Minutes after that I’ll be at my place and able to settle down for anywhere up-to the next year. It’s the best place for me now. I’d been twice before, have some local contacts and even had a place I can pay for in cash. At one time my AirBnb contact, “Elton”...
The stench hit me the moment I opened the door. I actually froze for a moment in that pressure differential of warm fetid air being sucked through the doorway out onto the streets, before catching the imploring look from the barista and closing my umbrella to enter and seal the chamber. It was him. I recognized him immediately. That same murky gray hoodie that might have started out a dark...
I sat and stared at the reduced selection sitting on my refectory table, my heart pounding as I internalized the gravity of that which was before me. Two choices tonight, and two only. My impending fate scribed in leather. Frozen now but formed of potential, and seeking. Always seeking. Aside from my limited options tonight had begun as it often did. Anathema arrived at my door, silent and...
In retrospect, it started at the very beginning, as I was setting the foundation. For the previous three weeks I had been selling off my possessions on ebay. My flat screen, my PS4, my desktop computer. Anything that might fetch for more than a hundred dollar bill was sold, and the profits added to the funds for The Arc. My new project. A 100% sustainable, self-sufficient tiny home to...
Something crawled in my ear while I was sleeping last night. And it felt… pleasurable. The soft pulsing tickled at first, but as the pupa contorted itself and pushed its way into the canal it felt orgasmic. My body buckled, froze, and shuddered ecstatically for a full minute as the visitor made its way home. I was then overcome with an overwhelming sense of peace. Peace...
I always considered the end to be the end. When the machinery of the body fails, and the complex chemical reactions in our systems cease to fuel us, consciousness ceases. It’s fuel spent. And the lights go out. I would grant that we understand very little of life and consciousness, but I always felt that the men and women who posit that life is pure mystery, do no service to what we do...
Shit, only forty five minutes. I throw my purse on the counter, grab frozen Chicken Tikka from the freezer, pop it into the microwave, and peek into the bedroom. Mom is snoring mildly and Mark (looking far too fine in his scrubs) looks up from his kindle, the back-light illuminating his bright eyes in the murk. “Hey Lizzie.” He whispers, looks over at Mom who remains flat on her back...
Everything is eventually worn down. Washed away into the murky tide-pool of history. I cannot help but to think about entropy as I watch the plumes of sea water crash, crest, and vaporize over the cliffs before me. How many years until that volcanic rock is finally worn down? How many years until those cracks and crevices expand to consume the remaining structure? Until there is nothing more than...